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by catastrophage



Series: In Memory of Troy [3]
Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Childhood Trauma, Cruelty, Darkfic, Domestic Violence, Gen, Homophobia, Indirect Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 16:21:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14773031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catastrophage/pseuds/catastrophage
Summary: It had been in the early summer - Troy had just turned 13 - when it had started.Don't ever let Jeremiah assume that you're gay.





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**Author's Note:**

> This short story was totally not inspired by Daniel's earlobe (cough)  
> I'm posting it in my Troy memorial series, but it is not directly linked to a diary entry.  
> I... I'm sorry.

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_He had snapped. Again. Troy reached up to wipe the blood out of his face. His palm touched his left earlobe, and without thinking much about it, he let his fingers trail the shape of his ear. It was a habit he had developed, a quirk that showed when he did things that could disappoint his father._

It had been in the early summer - Troy had just turned 13 - when it had started. School had ended early and Mike and he didn't want to return home yet. They went to a fast food place and shared a big portion of fries. And then, while they were standing at the street corner licking the last bits of salt from their fingers, Troy glanced at the tattoo and piercing studio. _Earlobes for $10 each_ was written on a cardboard standup. Mike followed by looking into the same direction, but he didn't figure what it was that piqued Troy's interest - until the taller of the boys took out his wallet and checked if he had ten dollars to spend. "Troy," Mike said. His voice skipped an octave and made him cough. "Troy," he started again, this time with a softer voice. "Don't be silly!"

But Troy was already crossing the street, he only had eyes for the piercer, who appeared in the doorframe of his shop. A bit intimidated by his tall and bulky shape, the boy's hands started sweating. He wrinkled two five dollar notes between his fingers. With a quiet voice, forcing it calm, he told the man what he wanted. "I... I'd like an earring." He pointed at the sign.  
The man sized the boy up from head to toe. He was about to ask the boy's age, but then just shrugged and turned around. "Left side or right side?" he asked him.

Troy had never thought about it. To him it was mostly just a dare, something he knew he shouldn't do, but really wanted to. He had been wondering if it would hurt - and if it _would_ hurt, if it would be a good kind of pain, warm and intense. He had wanted to do it in spite of his father. And also because he would be the first person with a pierced ear from his generation at the ranch. Maybe it would make him look cool.  
"Left side or right side," the piercer asked again and Troy just shrugged. "Either is good."

The piercer rolled his eyes. He crossed his arms and - once more - looked at the boy, probably wondering if he really should allow it. Then, after they had stared at each other for a couple of drawn-out seconds, the man cleared his throat and asked: "Straight or gay?"  
Troy looked up to meet his eyes, all of a sudden fascinated. He hadn't known there was a difference in piercings for people's sexuality. But he didn't answer just then. The question also puzzled him, even more than the one before. He had no experience whatsoever, so how should he know? Just when the piercer was about to turn and walk away into the back of the room, Troy mumbled a quick "Straight."  
Whether this was true or not, it was the safer option.

The older man slammed a box of piercings onto the counter and opened it, for the boy to choose his adornment. With a shock Troy noticed that all of the rings had a small price tag as well. He turned around and was relieved to see Mike, who had just entered the shop, no less nervous than Troy. "Can you lend me three bucks?" he asked him. His friend was about to refuse, but he realized that Troy would not leave this shop until he was pierced. He fished a couple of coins and a note from his pockets and put them next to the jewelry box. Troy picked a plain brass colored ring, the piercer nodded and made a gesture for him to follow behind the counter, and then it all went fast. Too fast for Troy's taste. There was no pain, not even a drop of blood, his left ear just felt hot and was, according to Mike, _hilariously_ red when they were back on the street.

It went unnoticed for three days. Just Mike and Gretchen knew, Troy had managed to hide it from everyone else. On the fourth day his mother entered his room without a warning. He didn't have time to put a bandaid over the piercing, not even to put his headphones on. It still took her a minute, and a slap with her flat hand, to notice the novelty. She burst into laughter. Tracy was a cruel woman, malicious towards every person including her son. Troy knew as much, but he couldn't help thinking she was beautiful, her hand covering half her mouth, the other hand clenching her skirt. Her fingernails and lips painted red, her eyes a clear blue, and she was almost crying from amusement. He had to smile as well seeing her so full of... _joy._  
She reached for his chin when she calmed down again, and Troy was expecting another slap that never came. Instead she turned his head to the side and took a closer look at the earring. Then she stomped out, a smile on her lips.

Troy knew it was bad when his father called him downstairs. This was the second worst thing to happen, right after his father storming up to his room. His legs went a bit shaky when he entered the study. "What's the matter?" Troy asked, trying to sound casual, forcing his voice as calm as possible. Jeremiah sat at his desk, arms crossed, with a neutral expression. "You tell me," he offered and gestured for the boy to stand in front of the desk. Troy swallowed. He knew it was meaningless to try to evade the topic. His father would ask him and then get angry at him for not telling. "I... I got an earring," the boy confessed.

"Are you gay?" Jeremiah asked him, looking up to meet his eyes. "No actually this is the _straight side_ ," Troy tried to explain, his voice now giving away his nervousness. It was pointless. Jeremiah seemed unfazed. He repeated his question. "Are you _gay_?"  
Troy shook his head. "No," he said firmly.  
"Good." Jeremiah got up from his chair and reached over for Troy's earring, as if to inspect it. The boy was almost relieved, but then he felt a yank that almost made him fall over, and a jolt of hot pain in his ear. "Then you don't need this."

A second yank - Troy screamed from pain. He could hear his mother's chuckle in the distance. His view blurred and his ear pulsated. Here came the pain he had been hoping to feel, tenfold. Here came the attention he was hoping to get. And he broke down on the floor of the study.  
When Troy woke up again, it still hurt, but the pain was manageable. The smell of alcohol tickled in his nose, and he opened his eyes to see his mother's warm smile, while she was pressing a gauze pad against his ear. "You almost spilled blood on the carpet," she greeted him. With a soft smile she added - "silly boy."  
Troy had to cough to make his voice work. "I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly and closed his eyes again. For a moment his life was fine. The distant pulse of pain, numbing his fear and sadness - and Tracy tending to him - were worth the trouble.

_Troy stopped his movement, felt the corner of his ear that had been ripped ever since. He could still remember the pain, how intense it was. How serious his father's disappointment had been. How he was supposed to be a lot of things, not supposed to be a lot of other things. And a smile crept over his lips, realizing that nothing could ever harm him, as long as he enjoyed the punishment._


End file.
